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When does a couple need relationship or marriage counseling? Here is a mini quiz to answer that question:
1. Do I consider my relationship an equal partnership? Y N
2. Does my spouse respect my point-of-view? Y N
3. Do I describe my relationship as warm and loving? Y N
4. Knowing everything I know now, would I marry my spouse again? Y N
5. Have I considered, even momentarily, divorcing my spouse? Y N
6. Do I stay in the marriage for reasons other than love, respect, and caring? Y N
7. Do I feel safe sharing my dreams, hopes, and fears with my spouse? Y N
8. Can both me and my spouse say that our relationship is our No. 1 priority? Y N
If you answered "NO" to even one question, then your relationship would more than likely benefit from marriage counseling. Marriage counseling is never a person's favorite thing to do, because it means facing fears and working out plans and compromises, and of course, most of us would rather be doing something else. Marriage therapy means making an effort to make a relationship work, and most frightening of all, it means change.
The good news is that it's worth it. Couples who were barely hanging on to their relationship manage to resuscitate it and begin a new and joyful life together. There are no easy fixes, but no one ever said having a life long relationship was going to be easy. The question is, can and will you make the effort and do the work necessary to bring life back into your relationship, or bring those qualities to the relationship for the first time?
Becky has found that some couples want guarantees that if they come to counseling, their problems will be solved, but unfortunately no marriage therapist can guarantee a couple that this will be the result.
"In each couple there are two individuals, and a therapist cannot control the motivation level of anyone," says Becky. "I wish I could make every person want to work with all of his or her might to improve a marriage, but I can't. In the end it's up to the individuals in the marriage to take responsibility for their motivation and for doing the work to turn the marriage around."
Becky offers a variety of methods for working with couples. A couple can come in for 55-minute sessions, but she often recommends they commit to longer sessions.
"Fifty-five minutes is often not long enough to get to the core issues that two people are presenting, and longer sessions give us the opportunity to get more work done over a shorter period of time," says Becky.
Some couples feel that their marriage has reached a state of emergency and want immediate and drastic work to take place. For couples like this, Becky suggests marriage therapy mini-marathons and marathons. A mini-marathon is four hours session (210 min. of therapy), and a marathon is seven hours (330 min. of therapy), including 15 minute breaks and a lunch break.
"It is amazing how much work can be done in the marathon," says Becky. "We simply have the time to do interventions that otherwise we wouldn't. Many couples have told me the marathon format gave them the time and attention that their relationship desperately needed."
For those whose schedules require after-hours visits or are experiencing an after-hour emergency or crisis, Becky offers After Hours Appointments by appointment, but at additional cost.
And while Becky knows that cost is usually a consideration for couples considering therapy, she encourages couples to look at it as an investment.
"How much would you be willing to pay to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with the person you are already married to?" she asks. "I tell couples to consider that compared to the cost of divorce or living miserably in a marriage, and they usually get it right away. One thing that amazes many therapists is how quickly a person will spend money for a vacation or luxury items, but how difficult it is for many to invest in improving their relationship. So, if you are unable to work things out on your own, this may be one of the best values you've ever encountered."
.Cost for couples counseling is as follows:
An initial 90-minute assessment is required, and costs $250.
After the 90 minute assessment, we typically schedule 55 minute sessions to follow ...
A. 55-minute session – 150.
B. 90-minute session - 250.
C. 120-minute session – 320.
D. 4 hour mini marathon Highly recommended for those in crisis. Becky assesses the presenting issues in the first 90-minutes with the couple together, followed by two 30-minute sessions with each individual alone. The half-day of therapy ends with a 60-minute couple's session where Becky offers her insight about what is going on and suggests what interventions might be helpful. The couple and therapist then work together to discuss the possibilities and formulate a plan. (210 minutes therapy + short breaks). $550 weekdays, $600 weekends.) Note: One-half deposit required to make an appointment, plus credit card on file. 72-hour cancellation notice required.
E. 7-hour marital marathon (330 minutes therapy, also includes 45-minute lunch; 4/15 - minute breaks) – $900. weekdays, 1000. weekends.) Note: One-half deposit required to make an appointment, plus credit card on file. 72-hour cancellation notice required. Read more about this amazing intervention in the article below ...
F. After hours appointments - Absolutely have to have an appointment after regular business hours? The doctor is IN (by appointment) evenings 6:15 to 9:30, and Saturday and Sunday, although these appointments cost $50 more per hour than those during regular M-F business hours.
G. Crisis-Buster - Is your marriage falling apart and in need of immediate intervention by a therapist experienced with crisis work? Couples in crisis and needing emergency after-hours and/or weekend care on short notice must come
in for a two-and-a-half hour minimum "crisis-busting" appointment. A little over 2-hours -- includes two 10-minute breaks = 385.
Marriage Therapy and Individual Therapy
Managed Marital Separation (click here to read more about Managed Separation).
Many times a couple needs both couples therapy and individual therapy in order to heal their relationship. The same is also true with Managed Separation. In these cases, the individual rate of 150. for 55-minute individual or couples session applies.
In addition to these options, Dr. Becky offers a discount for advance payment for marital therapy.
Ten 55-minute sessions = $1400.
One month of therapy = Four sessions $575.
Appointments for 55-minute, 120-minute, mini-marathons, and marathons are available M - F between 9 a.m. and (the last available appointment) is at 5:15 p.m. Call 210-771-5939 or e-mail by clicking here for more information or to make an appointment.
Copyright 2006, www.doctorbecky.com.
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